Saturday, September 26, 2009

Constructing the Future Me

Gone
All has been undone
Attempts to salvage what's left
Are sacrifices in vain

What now?

Do I seek closure?
Do I seek resolution?
And fall farther into despair?

This is my new normal
This is my new me
This trial will change me
For the better if I choose

The tools are in my hands
What will I construct?

Thoughts and feelings go unseen
Actions will determine outcome
Fits of rage and despair will come
But must not affect my decisions

The framework of my life remains
While the future of my person begins
Who I will be is up to me

Do not seek closure
Do not seek resolution
Seek only my new me

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Long Journey - Part II

Failure is always an option, only when options remain

Knowing, when I started, drive would fail, I cut my ties and burned my bridges
Intentionally putting my pride on the line I made bold claims of what I would accomplish
Fearing shame, my pride pushes me to continue when my will and desire fail

Wiser when I started, knowing my limits would be reached
So I cast off downstream and took the one way road
Knowing minds and direction can be changed on a stairway, I took the escalator

Understanding the end cannot be reached through strength and endurance
Setting in motion events to carry me to my chosen destination

Wiser when I started, the goal will be reached

The Long Journey - Part I

In between
Never ending transition

The finish line is deceiving, an ever-moving mirage
Two steps forward, only one step closer

From a distance the ladder is only one obstacle, up close a series of rungs
Each rung requires several actions: look, reach, grab, pull, repeat
The mountain is the smallest from afar, most daunting from the base, and unknowable from halfway up.

Memories of past comforts and promises of future ones fuel motivation, but run dry frequently
Former wounds produce both drive and drag
Romanticized ideals both inspire and discourage

The measure of success so specific yet vague, making it unrecognizable
Knowing what is desired but not knowing what it looks like
Seeking resolution yet fearing stability and boredom
How can such an elusive goal be met?