Honesty with self and rigorous self-evaluation should ultimately lead to humility. When I look at myself honestly I will see all my shortcomings and realize I fall short of any legitimate standard.
Humility seems to be a misunderstood quality. I think many people see humility as the opposite of pride. If pride is thinking I am better than everyone else, then humility must then be viewing myself as worse than everyone else. However, this attitude is not humility, it is self-deprecation; which is just as far from humility as pride.
Being humble means having an accurate perspective of my position in relation to everyone else. It means that I understand that my value is no higher and no lower than any other human being.
Here is the difference between pride, self-deprecation, and humility. If I am complimented on an accomplishment, something that I achieved through effort and/or skill, I can respond in three ways. The prideful response would be to say, 'Yes, I achieved this thing on my own when others would have failed.' The self-deprecating response would be to give credit to something or someone else. I would say 'I got lucky,' or 'it was all [insert name of person or deity].' The humble response would be to say, 'anyone in my exact circumstances would have have been able to do the same.'
I believe my abilities and talents are gifts that have been given to me (by God if you must know). Thus, if I am humble, I will realize that anyone who has been given the same abilities and talents will be able to do what ever I am able to do. If others have failed where I have succeeded, it is merely because they have been given a different combination of abilities and talents than I have. And just as their combination of abilities and talents may have failed to accomplish my task, so might my combination of abilities and talents fail at achieving something they are able to accomplish.
'Now, wait a sec,' you say, 'Aren't you giving credit to your gifts now? And didn't you just say that was self-deprecation?' Credit should be given where credit is due. I am able to do things because of my gifts, but I do things because I choose to. In other words, I can't take credit for the ability to accomplish commendable things, but I can take credit for my decision to use those abilities, just as anyone else who made that choice should take credit.
With humility there is no room for a sense of entitlement. A humble person does not automatically expect anything from anyone else; not respect, not love, not material possessions. A humble person will expect to earn everything he or she receives. If one expects these things from others, they are essentially claiming that they are different from everyone else; that somehow they are special and should receive special treatment. This attitude is far from the attitude of humility; the one that believes I am no better and no worse than anyone else. However, while a humble person does not expect anything from others, he or she is able to accept these things because, again, the humble person realizes that he or she is not above receiving. The humble person is not above or below or better or worse than anyone else. The humble person realizes they are worth the exact same as everyone else that has ever lived.
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5 comments:
I am not sure I completely agree with the humble person's response to the compliment. I generally agree with your idea that a humble person sees him or herself as equals to others, but as you said a humble person is able to accept these things. Another sign of a humble person is gratefulness. Someone who can say "Thank you" after someone's compliment.
Another point which I think is useful here is a concept from "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young,
"...if you and I are friends, there is an expectancy that exists within our relationship. When we see each other or are apart, there is expectancy of being together, of laughing and talking. That expectancy has no concrete definition; it is alive and dynamic and everything that emerges from our being together is a unique gift shared by no one else. But what happens if I change that 'expectancy' to an 'expectation' - spoken or unspoken? Suddenly, law has entered into our relationship. You are now expected to perform in a way that meets my expectations. Our living friendship rapidly deteriorates into a dead thing with rules and requirements. It is no longer about you and me, but about what friends are supposed to do, or the responsibilities of a good friend."
While this quote refers to the concept in light of relationships, I think it has applications in many other areas of life as well, including a sense of entitlement.
You are right. Only the humble person can accept gratitude correctly while prideful and self-deprecating people cannot. If I am prideful I use gratitude to feed my ego and if I am self-deprecating I cannot accept gratitude because I don't accept any credit.
I like that quote. It's very true. People who feel entitled are not enjoyable to hang around. If they expect me to act a certain way around them or treat them how they think they should be treated I will always feel the pressure to either conform or rebel. These urges make it hard to be myself because regardless of which way I react, I'm allowing the expectations of another to affect my actions. And that's no fun.
It's also amazing how this can happen on a subconscious level and we can often do this to others without even realizing it.
I think you articulated a very good picture of humility. I've always had trouble with comparing to make myself feel better about myself...which sometimes backfires into making me feel bad about myself. I love the way you describe humility as being in a completely different dimension from this.
Your blog reminds me of another call to think of ourselves with "sober judgement" (from Romans, if you must know). And as far as gifts and talents go, as Justin puts it, "All we're called to do is the best we can with what we've been given."
I think I have a long way to go in the quest for true humility.
I love your description enormously.
Now I'm going to jab two holes in it:
(1) If a humble person should expect to "earn everything they receive," how does this apply to a baby or toddler who has every need met by others? Do they earn this?
(2) On a similar note, humankind collectively depends on the earth for everything we need (food, air, water, natural resources, etc) like a child depends on parents. Does this mean we "earn" these things from the earth?
What do you make of these two things? (Though they're kind of the same issue applied two ways.) Shall we simply say in a backwards way that we "get them unless we lose them by screwing them up"? But that's still not the same as earning.
I believe this logically leads somewhere, but I want to see what you make of it first.
I guess it shows how often I blog that I just read Rachel and Justin's comments four months later...
Thank you both, I'm glad you liked my post.
Justin, I think that there are two difference between expecting to receive from others and relying on others. The first has to do with the intention of giving back. If I feel entitled or expect to receive things from others then I have no intention of being grateful or giving back when I do receive. However, a humble person can accept the fact that they must rely on other people and sources outside themselves to exist. Since the humble person realizes they are not self-sufficient, they are willing to give what they can in return for what they receive.
The second difference has to do with expectation. If I believe that others should or are somehow obligated to give to me, I feel entitled. If I feel that others aren't obligated to give to me and I am prepared to earn or work for what I receive, but I am able to accept help when it's offered, then I can still remain humble.
The child does not necessarily have an attitude of entitlement just because they depend so heavily on his or her parents. If the child receives the care from his or her parents gratefully and is willing to care for them when they grow old, he or she is able to receive without having an attitude of entitlement. Of course, the child may not be grateful or willing until he or she is an adult and realizes the efforts and investment his or her parents put into him or her.
I think this applies somewhat to your second point as well. However, I do think that while we are reliant on the earth, we also must earn what we take from the earth. We must work to obtain our food and other resources from the earth and we also have to care for the earth in order to continue gathering the resources it offers. I don't think expecting that the earth will meet our needs is the same thing as expecting that the earth should meet our needs. And there, I believe, is the difference.
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